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Before He Makes Each One
Before he makes each one
of us, God speaks.
Then, without speaking,
he takes each one
out of the darkness.
And these are the cloudy
words God speaks
before each of us begins:
"You have been sent out
by your senses. Go
to the farthest edge
of desire, and give me
clothing: burn like a great
fire so that the stretched-out
shadows of the things
of the world cover
me completely.
Let everything happen
to you: beauty and terror.
You must just go--
no feeling is the farthest
you can go. Don't let
yourself be separated
from me. The country
called life is close.
By its seriousness,
you will know it.
Give me your hand."
~ Rainer Maria Rilke ~
I
t was a surprise this morning to get to the bottom of the computer screen and discover that I had read not only Chris Guillebeau's entire blog "Ever Feel Like Giving Up? but also most of the ninety-four (that's right 94!) responses that people followed up with. Apparently, the theme of giving up - or hanging in - is a provoking one for many of us.
For me, "not giving up" sometimes get confused with that chiding voice of coaches past and other well intentioned adults in my childhood who would warn, "Now, don't be a quitter." Their message was certainly meant as a positive, but they never mentioned the alternative route.
Quitting doesn't necessarily equate with giving up, in fact, sometimes letting go - or walking away is the best course of action a person can choose. Done with awareness and intention, the act of quitting an unhealthy situation is a positive. Such a decision requires faith, focus, strength and, and because fear tends to be present when one "walks away," courage is essential.
Yesterday, after months of attempting to slowly take off the metaphorical band aid I've been wearing on a dysfunctional job, I went ahead and quickly yanked. (Where do we get the misguided notion that doing "hard stuff" slowly will somehow make it less difficult or less painful?) The relief was instant and measurable.
I had been feeling like "giving up" for a long, long while -- in truth, for years. I understand now, that if I ever again have those feelings in such a reoccurring and ongoing manner about a job, a relationship, or a situation that I've given time, energy and care to -- I'll examine the alternative of walking away sooner. I'm certain that in most instances, this process will be a delicate business. It's natural for us to want to "hang in" there with things we've invested ourselves in, and I'm like many other inherently hopeful people: willing to go the distance with anything - or one - that I care for or believe in. Willing even when it's no longer beneficial, or at negative cost, or simply beyond repair.
Chris and his ninety-four responders were incredibly inspirational. Many of them revealed deeply personal aspects of their struggles around the all too human urge to "give up" when things get hardest - most boring - least rewarding - loneliest - most painful. They also offered some fantastic tools that they have discovered to help them get through the urge and onto the light of morning.
Am I a quitter? No, and rarely will I "give up." Do I hang in? Yup. (Maybe sometimes longer than necessary) Can I find a balance? Yes, as I learn the art of letting go and walking away toward the positive.
Social networking sites have become the quick, easy and relatively painless way to communicate personal information with many, a communication shotgun, if you will. One post and BANG! you've hit 100 people. The "keeping in touch with friends" aspect of Facebook has a huge appeal to me. I enjoy and appreciate the glimpses of their lives - adventures, senses of humor, social awareness raising efforts - dropping onto the screen in front of me, like so many ripe and ready to eat cherries. It's quick, simple and relatively painless.
Of course anyone who imbibes in FB or MySpace or Twitter also knows the flip side to the yummy cherries: the drivel, the seemingly random yet frighteningly targeted ads, the time-draining quizzes, and the "fluff, " that we neither want nor need. I think of these cherry counterparts as the trash that our kids bring home from the county fair - the crappy stuffed toys and plastic inflatables that always end up in the trash.
I've noticed of late that the shiny thrall of the Facebook sound byte has worn off. There are so many other things to do: work, family, creative projects, books, music, life in Real Time. All of these alternatives require more focus and energy yet also yield far greater and longer lasting positive results than a profile post that is like to be gone within 24 hours. As it turns out, sound bytes are fun for awhile and on occasion, but I'd like my relationships to delve deeper too.
My current profile post reads, "Martha Phelps will be taking a break from Facebook for awhile - maybe a week or two, maybe a year. Email me if you miss me too much: mlp@marthaphelps.com - or better yet, give me a call and let's take a walk." My break could be indefinite, or it could be periodic, since I still have a fourteen year old daughter to be "friends" with. Point is - I'm going to redirect myself for a spell.
What works - or doesn't about social networking in your life? Does it support you or get in your way? Drop me a sound byte - or much more.
PS Hat tip to the blog Evolution for the perfect profile post as well as the nudge I needed.
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