It was a surprise this morning to get to the bottom of the computer screen and discover that I had read not only Chris Guillebeau's entire blog "Ever Feel Like Giving Up? but also most of the ninety-four (that's right 94!) responses that people followed up with. Apparently, the theme of giving up - or hanging in - is a provoking one for many of us.
For me, "not giving up" sometimes get confused with that chiding voice of coaches past and other well intentioned adults in my childhood who would warn, "Now, don't be a quitter." Their message was certainly meant as a positive, but they never mentioned the alternative route.
Quitting doesn't necessarily equate with giving up, in fact, sometimes letting go - or walking away is the best course of action a person can choose. Done with awareness and intention, the act of quitting an unhealthy situation is a positive. Such a decision requires faith, focus, strength and, and because fear tends to be present when one "walks away," courage is essential.
Yesterday, after months of attempting to slowly take off the metaphorical band aid I've been wearing on a dysfunctional job, I went ahead and quickly yanked. (Where do we get the misguided notion that doing "hard stuff" slowly will somehow make it less difficult or less painful?) The relief was instant and measurable.
I had been feeling like "giving up" for a long, long while -- in truth, for years. I understand now, that if I ever again have those feelings in such a reoccurring and ongoing manner about a job, a relationship, or a situation that I've given time, energy and care to -- I'll examine the alternative of walking away sooner. I'm certain that in most instances, this process will be a delicate business. It's natural for us to want to "hang in" there with things we've invested ourselves in, and I'm like many other inherently hopeful people: willing to go the distance with anything - or one - that I care for or believe in. Willing even when it's no longer beneficial, or at negative cost, or simply beyond repair.
Chris and his ninety-four responders were incredibly inspirational. Many of them revealed deeply personal aspects of their struggles around the all too human urge to "give up" when things get hardest - most boring - least rewarding - loneliest - most painful. They also offered some fantastic tools that they have discovered to help them get through the urge and onto the light of morning.
Am I a quitter? No, and rarely will I "give up." Do I hang in? Yup. (Maybe sometimes longer than necessary) Can I find a balance? Yes, as I learn the art of letting go and walking away toward the positive.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
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Good summary - nice to hear your wisdom!
ReplyDeleteI find that we always know when to continue, despite possible pain and energetic degradation, and when it is appropriate to drop what is at hand.
Distraction from this intuitive knowledge comes from one source and one source only:
Fear.
Fear of doing wrong, fear of loosing something, someone, an opportunity, a last chance, ones true path, and bla bla bla...
Neutralizing the influence of fear is extremely difficult for most people, and perhaps not even necessary, but one can simulate a temporary environment whereby it becomes evident what is ruling ones situation (fear or heart), and if need be move blindly through the fear by action, knowing that the confusion is but a fear created fog that must not be allowed to influence any longer despite speaking rational and sound arguments.
Such an environment is created by assuming perspectives for a few minutes that neutralize the maze that cause human containment.
For example; if you do not need to earn a living what would you do? If you do not need to save the world what would you do? If the play field is completely neutral in terms of right and wrong action - what seems the happiest most bright thing to do?
We are so conditioned to be responsible and constructive and to mistrust our own motives that we sometimes think we would spiral down in complete decadence if we went for what felt totally fun and light. But to allow oneself a burger from Jack-in-the-Box and then have another one, to go for the sex because the body says so, or the lavish shopping, eventually all leads back to truth. We are no simpletons at this stage. We need the essence of life like we need oxygen and our genetics or our culture's superficial influences do not have the power to bind us. Or rather it has opposite power if we end up fighting against pressures inside and out. The path seems to be faster if we allow a little extravaganza then if negate these drives inside. Battles are costly and never end, especially those inside.
Even having realized all of this, we often just need to be soaked in suffering until we no longer can bear it any longer. It simply becomes too insane to do something out of sync with ones inner core. Such is the state of most humans, even the nobler of us. And such is the configuration of this and all other worlds. It takes suffering to pass the initial thresholds of learning. Luckily this phase passes...and then the emotional and bodily sensitivity that caused us such tremendous aches become instruments for heart bleeding compassion and beauty through realized perfection. This is how it has always been.